Who is Worthy?

I've been pondering "worthiness" lately, as I've been becoming more aware of it and making conscious decisions based on what is valuable and important to me. In our society, worth matters. We all perceive it somewhat differently, but I've noticed some obvious similarities; we default to monetary, social, appearance-based, merit-based, and skill-based measurements. Worthiness is defined as: "having adequate or great merit, character, or value... or of commendable excellence or merit; deserving." But who gets to determine the exact measurement that equals worth? Is there one?

In working on and discovering my own worthiness, I've been wondering how to measure it in others, or really, if I even should be measuring (even my own) at all. It seems we all come up against this issue at some point. For instance, with any person-to-person interaction (i.e. a party, work, or family gathering) these quick, sometimes unconscious questions pop up and we answer them (perhaps intentionally or unintentionally) with our responses. Kind of like a social networking thing, but in all interactions: Who should I talk to? Is this person worth my time (will it be fun, or boring? Helpful to them or me, or make things worse)? How much should I tell this person? Why should I talk to this person? Why am I even here? What can I get out of this conversation? Or maybe you have a test. Can this person increase my worth? Will talking or associating with them increase my (job, education, social) status?  

I feel like those are all question of worth and value, and it's all so very individualistic. Can you prove someone's worthiness?  Do you have a criteria? Do you deem someone "worthy" based on your experiences with them, their relation to you, their accolades, their celebrity, or perhaps on gossip you've heard about them? Or do you just not think on it or acknowledge it at all? 

The question of worthiness has been an unresolved nuisance on my mind, so I googled "How to determine someone else's worthiness," and didn't get much respite there. Most of the sites listed were for credit score worthiness. Fun. But what I did find in my quick, internet-y research, was that there were a ton of helpful resources for working on your own self-worth.

It made me wonder if the underlying issue when measuring others, is that in order to do just that, we have to use the same stick to measure ourselves. What is our own worthiness? How do I measure up next to this person? If I decide they measure greater, *cue feelings of insecurity* what will they think of me? What will they get out of talking to me? How can I get them to think highly of my worthiness, too? Do they even want to talk to me? Me, me, me. The question is then, not who is worthy, but am I worthy?

In my Googling, I came across an article about worthiness that I really enjoyed. It postulates that worthiness is learned early in our lives. Summarizing quite a bit, Nanice Ellis states in the article I found, Worthiness - A Key to Emotional Healing, that we learn right from wrong and what is deserving and underserving in elementary school. We then go on to use those metrics to determine worthiness and strive to prove it for the rest of our lives:

If we do what we are told and we fit in with the group dynamic, we receive rewards and our emotional needs are met. However, if we think for ourselves, and we do not fit in, no rewards come; leaving us feeling emotionally punished by disapproval, disappointment and the withholding of love by those in authority. In other words, we are deemed unworthy. 

Society teaches us that worthiness is directly connected to our future and ongoing success in the world. Therefore, we must possess worthiness in order to have purpose, make money, and attract a life partner; just as being poor, having no partner, or no direction in life directly relates to unworthiness. 

Okay, so assuming we learned early in our lives that we are unworthy, how do we go about correcting that belief so we can enjoy our lives a bit more? I discovered a few helpful ideas:

1. Turn off the worthiness program. Eliis gives this advice:

In order to turn off the worthiness program, you must stop acting like your worth is conditional – and you must stop believing that you need to improve or change in any way, in order to gain worth. Looking to the outside world of people or things for your worth keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle with no way out... It takes courage to find yourself unconditionally worthy but you are the only one who can do it.

If you have difficulty claiming your worth, at the very least stop pursuing it. In fact, instead of spending the rest of your life trying to prove your worth, what if it was okay to be unworthy? What if you just gave in to unworthiness? This may sound like a silly thing to say but if you have the courage to give in to unworthiness by giving up the search for worth, the illusion of conditional worth will shatter, and you will likely discover that you are already worthy. 

2. Stop chasing (or clamoring or scratching for) what you think will make you worthy. Chela Davison says in her article How Do You Measure Your Worth:

...We have unique ways of trying to measure or reinforce our worth. But by the very nature of this being an immeasurable thing, our unique ways of measuring our worth actually become our own personal compass for reinforcing our experience of unworthiness.   

As we pay closer and closer attention to the moves we make in order to be worthy, we can begin to really feel that the very thing we chase that we believe will bolster our self-worth, is the very thing that reinforces our fears of worthlessness. If we can see it and stay with it and even share it with others in a trusted space, we can start to see this way of assessing how we’re doing or what we’re worth as not only inaccurate, but simply as a mechanism to our humanity that needn’t hold the hook it currently holds. From there, our behaviors can be an expression of joy, freedom, love or whatever actually fuels us and others, rather than a clamoring and scratching for our acceptable place in the world. 

3. Try accepting or acknowledging a belief that your worth is actually a gift, given to you by a higher power. The article What does the Bible Say About Self-Worth? says:

The Bible actually has many passages that tell us what God has to say about our worth and our value in His eyes. Genesis 1:26-27 says we are made in His image, the very image of God. Psalm 139:13-16 says we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and all the days of our lives were written in God’s book before we were ever born, confirming God’s prior knowledge and plan for our lives. Ephesians 1:4 says God chose His children before the foundations of the earth were ever formed, and in Ephesians 1:13-14 we’re told we are God’s own possession, chosen for the praise of His glory, and that we have an inheritance in heaven with Him as His children.But notice the wording in each of the above phrases: “are made,” “are fearfully and wonderfully made,” “were written,” “God chose His children,” “we are God’s own possession,” and “we have an inheritance.” 

These phrases all have one thing in common: they are things done to us or for us by God. These are not things we have done for ourselves, nor have we earned or deserved them. We are, in fact, merely the recipients of “all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ” (Ephesians 1:3). Therefore, we can conclude that our worth is not really of the “self” at all; rather, it is worth given to us by God. We are of inestimable value to Him because of the price He paid to make us worthy—the death of His Son on the cross.

4. Recognize that "there are no prerequisites for worthiness". This Huffington Post article shares Dr. Brené Brown's thoughts on worthiness and where it comes from as she talks with Oprah:

If you've ever felt unworthy -- because of your weight, your job, your relationship or any other fill-in-the-blank reason -- shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown has a message she wants you to hear loud and clear: There are no prerequisites for worthiness.

"Most of us think, 'I'm pretty worthy of love and belonging -- but I'd be super worthy of love and belonging if I could lose 15 pounds,'" Brown says..."'[Or] I made partner. Or my wife doesn't leave. Or I stay sober' –- or whatever our thing is." 

In reality, none of that matters. "Worthiness is an as-is, here and now proposition," she says. "And to me, that's the definition of wholeheartedness. Wholeheartedness is about engaging with the world from a place of worthiness." 

I'm at the early stage of figuring out what worthiness is, being aware of it, and figuring out what it means to me. I'm not sure where I stand with it yet, but I'm looking forward to doing some more exploring and experimenting.

"You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." 

- Dr. Brene Brown. 

Unsolicited Advice

A man interrupted me while I was playing racquetball this week, and proceeded to gift me with his supreme knowledge of the sport. Its effect was similar to when you get one of those slightly insulting gifts from a relative; Oh, honey, I got you this sweater, but I doubt it’ll fit you now. Um, thank you?

My "gift" was from a stranger, who didn’t politely introduce himself or ask me to join him in a game. I stopped the ball when he knocked on glass door of the court. As he held the door ajar, he jumped right into letting me know I should always hit the front wall, not the back wall. Well, duh (it’s pretty much the basic object of the game).

I raised sweaty eyebrows over my foggy goggles, and smiled politely. Reluctantly, I spent a large amount of brain power trying to figure out how to respond (I'm working on my tact, people). I ended up saying “I know” quite a few times, as I continued to smile and he continued to carry on. He proceeded to give me tips on how to hit the back wall if I must, and then shut glass the door and walked away. I fumed for about ten minutes at his temerity, taking my anger out on the blameless, bouncy blue ball. 

Dr. Peter Gray, Ph.D questions unsolicited advice in his article in Psychology Today: Unsolicited Advice: I Hate it, You Hate It; So Do Your Kids:

Why do we react this way to unsolicited advice? Why don't we just accept it for what it often is--the other person's genuine concern and desire to help? Others who have written on this question have suggested a number of reasonable answers. They suggest that the advice, justifiably or not, comes across to us as one-upmanship, or assertion of dominance, or criticism, or distrust, or failure to consider our own unique goals and priorities… I agree with all that, but I would add that the main, underlying answer has to do with our desire to protect our own freedom.
For good evolutionary reasons… we human beings naturally crave freedom. We resist control from other people. We do this regardless of our age and regardless of whom it is who wants to control us. Married people resist control from their spouses; old people resist control from their middle-aged children; children of all ages resist control from their parents. And, of course, students resist control from their teachers, which is one reason why schools as we generally know them produce such poor results…By complying, we may be signaling our future willingness to subordinate ourselves to the other person's will.

In my wrath and unwillingness to accept this man’s “genuine concern and desire to help”, I supposed he came to this conclusion: a female with a racquet and ball, rockin’ all the obvious racquetball gear, and standing in a racquetball court… must be lost! It was so kind of him to decide, entirely on his own, that stepping in to “help” me was definitely the best idea for both of us. Perhaps his best - most perfect and most innocent - intention was to help me. 

Fine. So, how would he feel if I did same? Say I watched him mow his lawn, and waved him over to stop. He politely breaks his concentration and stops, because what if what I have to say is exciting, or god-forbid, there's been an emergency? And I say: “You know, you really want to be mowing the grass, not the pavement. And if you lower the blade, you'll get a closer cut that will stretch your time between mowings. But really, you want to make sure you're mowing the grass." I just want to help. 

A writer named Sezin Koehler decided to stop giving unsolicited advice and found his life improved. In his article Why I Stopped Giving Unsolicited Advice for the Huffington Post, he says:

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and unsolicited advice is the mortar.” I made a decision to stop giving advice unless specifically asked for it. I quit, cold turkey… Stopping giving advice changed everything. 

I found myself incredibly present in my conversations and interactions with others in a way I'd never been before. I was liberated from my self-imposed responsibility to help people who aren't asking for assistance. I could just sit back, listen, empathize, and be there. Instead of the "You should do this..." or "You need to do that..." reflex I'd say, "I'm here for you, with whatever you need," and, "How I can help?”

Had the stranger at the gym asked me if I wanted his advice, or even taken a more personable approach, I might have taken his advice with at least a grain of salt. He might have found out that I was just doing drills; I haven’t played in quite a while and need to get comfortable again with the back wall (it's all glass, and quite a bit more distracting to me than the other three, solid walls). Perhaps he would’ve offered to play a game, in genuine attempt to address my concern and ease my comfort. In my imagination’s best case scenario: through a polite conversation, he would’ve told me that he was the World’s #1 Racquetball Player (which is Paola Longoria, and obviously, I wasn’t speaking to her), and in that case I might have gratefully listened to the advice.

Dr. Peter Gray brings up a good point in the same article mentioned earlier, making the case for when unsolicited advice might be acceptable:

Sometimes, of course, unsolicited advice is welcome. If I'm stepping into the ocean and someone, anyone, comes over and advises me not to swim there because sharks were spotted there a few minutes age, I'm grateful. I hear this not so much as advice as useful, potentially life-saving information, which I didn't know before. I'd feel even more grateful, though, without even the slightest tinge of annoyance, if the Good Samaritan had entirely omitted the advice part of the message (to not swim there) and just given me the information part (about the sharks). Then I'd feel that a decision to stay out of the water was entirely my own, based on my own capacity to think rationally, and was not in any way coerced. I wouldn't, then, have even the slightest temptation to continue into the water just to prove that "I'll do whatever I blankety blank well choose to do, thank you!

It's a slippery slope. Are you an expert? An authority? Do you actually know better or have more experience? What gives you the right? Is your desire to help truly genuine?

There a ton of different reasons people feel the need to give unsolicited advice, and we could speculate all day. (This article calls out 10 of them!) We can't make other people stop handing advice out like parking lot flyers, but we can stop doing it ourselves, and choose our reaction when it's "gifted" to us. 

Recently, I read a quote that I think sums up my thoughts about unsolicited advice: 

"Don't have an opinion about something you're not responsible for.”

Wishing for you this year that all those around you will give the gift of love and acceptance, and keep their unwelcomed thoughts on your appearance, activities, career, spouse, and kids to themselves. Hope you have a fantastic Holiday!

Gettin' Whiplash

My husband and I watched the movie "Whiplash" the other night and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. 

“At the heart of Whiplash is a story about a very messed up codependent relationship. Dubbed “Full Metal Julliard” at its Sundance premiere, the movie finds Miles Teller trying to rise through the ranks at a prestigious music school under the tutelage of a sadistic teacher played by current Oscar front runner J.K. Simmons. Writer and director Damien Chazelle drew heavily from his own experience as a drummer in making the movie, right down to the dominating teacher. Whiplash is one of those movies where it sounds like it’s going to be boring, but it turns out to be electrifying. You can’t look away. And you can’t help but put yourself into the movie, wishing you could make decisions for this kids who lets his whole life be dominated by this one maniac. It was the kind of movie that left a lot for us to think about…” - JJ Duncan (6 Deep Thoughts About Whiplash)

The movie stuck a chord with me. I had a choir director who reminded me a bit of Professor Fletcher in high school. My choir director was a 6-foot-something German man, who exhibited the same range of style and emotions that Professor Fletcher did in the movie, albeit turned down quite a few notches for my Christian boarding school. He yelled, he berated, and he made kids cry. He threw things. He shouted. He embarrassingly stopped songs mid-performance. If you were one second late to rehearsal one time, he’d pull you into his office and seriously question your commitment. 

He showed us his soft side, too. He cried and freely shared his feelings and emotions when his family was going through some difficulties. Once, on our tour bus back to school one night, he called our attention and spent an hour encouraging or saying something nice to each of us individually. He treated, talked to, and loved us like we were his family. And we loved him, too. 

Yet once or twice a week, we all stood in the choir room, fearfully motionless (we generally weren't allowed to move, like to even itch or scratch our noses) as we watched this behemoth of a man give us his best. So that we could be our best. 

A.O. Scott wrote this of “Whiplash” in his NY Times movie review article, Drill Sergeant in the Music Room:

“The world worships excellence and runs on mediocrity. Most of us are fated to dwell in the fat middle of the bell curve, admiring and envying those who stake out territory in the higher realms of achievement. There is a wide gulf between doing your best at something and being the best at it, a discrepancy in expended effort and anticipated reward that is the subject of “Whiplash,” Damien Chazelle’s thrilling second feature.” 

Personally, I respond well to that kind of leadership. I’d rather be the best than do my best. In my choir, I cared about the music, and I cared about my choir director’s approval. If my choir director was mediocre, I would be mediocre. If he demanded less, I would’ve probably given less, and cared less. Why should I bring more, give my best, and try my hardest, for a leader who didn’t do the same (if not more)? 

Similarly, a few years ago I had a racquetball coach who was equally tough. He wasn’t a professional player, but he was a New Jersey motorcycle cop for longer than I’d been alive. He had also played racquetball for many of those years. When he taught me the sport, he drilled, he yelled, he chastised, he berated, and he gloated. When I accidentally whacked him in the back of the neck (with a return shot on a long ball - a big no-no), I never heard the end of it. But I learned. In the 9 months that I was coached by him, he complimented me only once. However, he always talked polite chit chat after a game and asked about my kids. He gave me a hug whenever he saw me, along with a twinkle in his eye and a genuine grin. And I loved him for it. I loved him for being tough, so that I could learn to be tough and hang when I played with the opposite sex. I loved the game, I loved the challenge, and I loved the approval in the end. I did my best, but I also wanted to be the best - the best female at that gym, at least - and I managed to achieve my goals.

I know overly tough, controversial methods don’t work for everyone, and aren’t necessary for someone to be their best. If the person leading me has laid down clear expectations and holds high standards, and if they are painfully honest, tough, and demanding… then I’m in. For me, meeting that challenge is fun. I’d rather be part of that kind of passion - the fiery kind - rather than the average, lukewarm kind. 

I think there’s a difference between doing something because you simply enjoy it, want to let loose, and have fun, versus being a part of something to improve, learn, grow and stretch yourself. Sometimes the latter isn’t fun. But for me, the tough part is worth it, because the reward is sweeter, and for me, that’s definitely the fun part. 

Running from Tidal Waves

Let's talk emotions and feels and junk.

I don't like them. I don't know what to do with them. It's worse when other people become emotional, too. I would rather avoid emotions completely. Even writing this and sharing it is awkward enough. If I had a choice between feeling uncomfortable and swimming with sharks, I think I’d take my chances with my shark friends. 

Disney released a movie a bit ago called Inside Out. It personifies 5 main emotions and makes them lovable cartoon characters that live and work inside a little girl’s mind. Whichever emotion the little girl is experiencing, say she’s feeling angry, you see the Angry character take over the command center and become the lead of all the little girl's actions and reactions. Spoiler Alert: The Happy character is most often the main lead or manager of the 5 Emotions, and she tries hard to keep the Sadness character away from the command center. Eventually, Sadness runs away, and Happy discovers that the little girl needs Sadness in her life; the little girl can’t just “happy” away all the things that she’s experiencing, especially when she’s upset and needs some support. Without Sadness, the little girl appears to have no affect; she’s numb, and jumps to other emotions - like anger or disgust - when she can’t tap into Sadness (which was what she was actually feeling about moving away from her home and friends). 

It made me think about how a lot of us avoid our emotions, especially when it comes to confronting others about them. Despite confrontation being a necessary part of life, most of us avoid it like eye contact with homeless people who ask for money. I think it's why TV shows like Jerry Springer got so popular. It’s like a release to see someone else confront what you normally wouldn't. And to do it in front of an audience! It's the ultimate humiliation (and yet so entertaining). Todd Vanderworff says this about the Jerry Springer show: 

“Above all, though, it was about the freaks. It unleashed an uneasy tension in viewers. It still does...
And talk shows themselves always had a lascivious streak to them, a willingness to drag otherwise normal people on the air and find the one thing about them that was different, the better to reinforce the audience’s superiority...
It’s an awful tension. We want to feel superior, but we cannot. Maybe it was a mercy, then, that The Jerry Springer Show didn’t follow its guests home. Maybe it was the ultimate perversion that many reality shows that followed in its wake would. The stage of this talk show was a safe space, a place to work these issues out, and when the lights dimmed, they were gone, but for the imagination.”

When I imagine an upcoming confrontation, I envision a tidal wave. This giant, overwhelming wave crushes me, and tosses my powerless self around like a lobster in a boiling pot of water. Once the confrontation is over, I eventually make it to the surface and gasp for air. But it's affect lingers; for days I struggle with PTSD. I roll my eyes and think, never again. But confrontation is inevitable, isn’t it? Drama at work, family holidays and gatherings, living with loved ones, issues with friends or even strangers… it’s unavoidable. 

The more I think about how much I dislike confrontation, the more I realize that needs to change. Because no, Dr. Phil, it isn’t working for me. I bottle up my emotions and experience them in a painfully physical way, rather than releasing them and being my honest and authentic self. 

What would it look like if I loved confrontation? What if I believed it would bring me joy? What would it feel like if I was totally okay with it and viewed it as a necessary and normal part of my life? Would being willingly open and confrontational ever get easier? 

I'm learning that it will get easier... it is getting easier. The evidence is every where in my life; the more I’ve done something, the easier it gets. The more I post to my blog, the easier it gets. The more I exercise, the easier it gets. The more I train my children in the way they should grow… the easier they get. (Heh, see what I did there?) 

Kathy Caprino says this about confrontation:

“I’ve found that many of us (particularly women) dread confrontation, or certainly go to extreme lengths to avoid it.  We do so for numerous reasons, including: 

- We don’t want to be confronted for fear of being “found out” (that we’re doing something wrong or have disappointed others)  

- We second-guess, question and doubt ourselves regarding our grounds and motives for confrontation  

- We don’t want to be seen as “mean” or challenging 

- We’d rather it just “work out” magically [<-- my particular favorite] 

- We have painful memories of past confrontations gone awry 

- It’s difficult to assert ourselves in heavily power-laden or political environments (like many of our workplaces)

- We find it hard to master our emotions effectively when we’re talking about something challenging or fear-inducing

Regardless of our reluctance to confront tough issues or challenging people, we need to.  We can’t advance, succeed, or grow without confrontation.  Engaging in productive confrontation paves the way for diversity of thought, developing healthy boundaries, arriving at new, innovative approaches, better decision-making, and challenging the status quo, all of which are essential if we want to thrive in our lives and work”. 

(Definitely read her whole article if you want some solid steps on how to confront others successfully).

Just being forthright (in a non-confrontational way) is a struggle for me, too. First, because my honesty is sometimes like a megaphone held to the ears; I was given the gift of honesty, but not of tact (I’ve been lovingly asked once, where’s your tact, girl?). And secondly, telling people how I feel about something, whether they are involved or not, seems unnecessary. Like a waste of quiet space. (With two toddlers, this introverted Momma seriously needs her some quiet time.) Sometimes people don’t respond in the way I like or in a way I expect them to. So why bother?

It was drilled long ago into my kid brain that if you don’t have anything nice to say… don’t say anything. It's definitely easier in the short term to keep my mouth shut. But in the long term, as I've experienced, keeping a tight lip can sometimes hurt more. It’s hard to know how and when to be a gentle soothsayer, but I’m trying.

I decided that instead of anticipating paralyzing fear when caught up in the Emotional Tidal Waves of Confrontation, I’d prepare for them by choosing some positive imagery: the experience I had while learning to surf in Hawaii (see my post about it here).

Here's what I mean:

1. I was excited about surfing. I love and respect the ocean; I grew up in it. (Yep, I’m a mermaid. It runs in the family.) I was excited for the waves. I felt strong as I paddled out and battled smaller waves to get to the big ones. This is the part in a confrontation when I voice my concerns, feelings, and desires. I can feel strong and confident in what I know, want, and feel. 

2. Once out to the bigger waves, I turn around to face the shore, and sit. I patiently wait for the best wave to come, and excitedly look back every so often to anticipate it’s arrival and begin paddling. This is the anticipation part, where I try to judge (based on facial expressions, verbal reactions, or body language) and brace myself for the wave of emotion. Will it be gigantic and overwhelmingly too much for me to ride? Or will it be tiny? Do I ride it or ride over it? Do I take it or leave it?

3. The wave comes. I paddle, stand up quickly on my board,  then balance. And I ride the wave of emotion to the shore, and try not to fall in. I listen respectfully to their response. I realize I might have had more time to think about this issue than they have. My words might come as a shock to them, and they get hurt, angry, and lash out, causing an enormous wave in response. Sometimes the waves are small, or not there at all. Sometimes people need time to think about their reaction, and either delay or will ask for more time. Or the emotional wave may never come. You might just get a polite acknowledgement or a thank you for sharing. It might not be what you expected. Riding someone’s emotional wave connects you to them, but keeps you from being submerged in it or taking it on as your own. Despite never really knowing what kind of wave you get, you ride it like an experienced pro, all the way to the shore.

Surfing (i.e. emotional wave riding) is exhausting and exhilarating. But I can get better with practice. And, I can’t wait to go back and do it again... With a few of you. Muahhahahahhaahahhaha! 

10 Books and 10 Words

When I was little, I wrote my first book: The Pencil Man. It was about a pencil, because that was the only thing I could draw. On the page of a spiral bound, lined notebook, I wrote a short story with my drawing of a pencil with arms and legs. Then I figured, why not make it a book? So the next page was Chapter 2, where Pencil Man makes a friend. And in Chapter Three they hid from the rain together. I remember feeling elated that my story was technically in a book, so I concluded I actually wrote and made a book by myself! Who knew it was that easy?

I say my first book, because I’m at the very early, fetal beginnings of writing a book, maybe even a series. I’ve recently had inspiration for the plot while waiting at a car dealership (see my previous post). And it’s incredibly intimidating. (By the way, as I write this, my husband is writing the final acknowledgments on a book he just completed and will be out next year… how amazing is that?!!) 

It’s seemingly so hard to put ideas and thoughts into words, and on paper, which is what I love about books. I’m so thankful for authors that have tried and been successful! Of late, I have been pouring over books from the Fantasy genre (mostly with female protagonists - yeah girl power!), and thus, my book will probably be in that field. Some popular fantasy books you may have heard of: Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, and The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. 

I grew up listening to my mom read The Hobbit to me and my siblings over meals and at bedtime; I stayed awake hours into the night devouring The Harry Potter series. In high school, a friend let me borrow his Game of Throne books to quell the boredom (I went to a strict - no TV, no music - boarding school in the country). I love getting lost in another world and the epic adventures that people dream up. It’s my way of quelling in my inner wanderlust-y adventurer. 

I eagerly consume about a trilogy per week. Did I mention I love reading? Here are 10 books I’ve read recently (in chronological order):

1. Finder (First Ordinance Series) by Conne Suttle (currently reading)
2. In the Skin of a Nunqua by R.J. Pouritt (pretty good; lots of action)
3. Light & Shadow Series by Moira Katson (interesting; heavy strategy and characters)
4. The Hero and The Crown by Robin McKinley (good, fun, not a trilogy) 
5. Girl of Fire and Thorns Series by Rae Carson (pretty good)
6. The Healers of Meligna Series by K.J. Colt (good)
7. The Magicians by Lev Grossman (I didn’t like it) 
8. Daughter of Smoke and Bone Series by Laini Taylor (really liked this series) 
9. Throne of Glass Series by Sarah J. Moss (one of my favorite series!) 
10. The Path of the Calm (The Saga of the Wolf Series) by Kris Hiatt (really good; male protagonist)

I feel so geeky when I tell my husband about the plot in the book I’m reading. While blushing, I tell him about: a cursed and hidden troll kingdom, an assassin girl who’s out for vengeance and might be a fairy, a famous alchemist who found a potion to make you live forever, or a girl who was mute but has a gift of understanding anyone’s true purpose, oh and she can also magically heal people and speak to animals - as he politely listens and smirks. <sigh> It’s okay with me if you don’t invite me to your book club. :) 

I especially love reading on my Kindle App I use on my Apple devices. I know, I know... it’s not the same as reading a real book, but the advantages of being able to quickly buy the next book in the series without having to race to a bookstore, easily read in the dark, enlarging the text size when exercising on a treadmill, fitting in my purse or pocket, being able to look up definitions to words I’m unsure of are fantastic. 

Despite reading books about warlocks, wizards, and fairies, here are 10 words I’ve learned and/or been reintroduced to: 

1. Faugh - a dated exclamation expressing disgust, contempt, or abhorrence

2. Untenable - adj. ( esp a position or view) not able to be maintained or defended against stack or objection 

3. Fop(pish) - adj. a man who is concerned with his clothes and appearance in an affected and excessive way; a dandy 

4. Sinecure - n. a job or position requiring little or no work but giving the holder status or financial benefit 

5. Oriflamme - n. a symbol or standard that inspires confidence, devotion or courage 

6. Eunoia - n. (rhetoric) Goodwill towards an audience, either perceived or real; the perception that the speaker has the audience's interest at heart. (The shortest English word containing all five main vowel graphemes. It comes from the Greek word εὔνοια, meaning "well mind" or "beautiful thinking.”)

7. Sibilant -. adj. (of a speech sound) sounded with a hissing effect, for example s, sh.

8. Moue - n. a pouting expression used to convey annoyance or distaste.

9. Coquet - v. behave flirtatiously; flirt.

10. Egress - n. the action of going out of or leaving a place.

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I love recommendations of books you’ve read and loved. Any genre! I’m sure I’ll tire of the Fantasy genre soon, and am looking forward to the next, whatever it may be. Happy reading!